I've decided to do something about my situation. I'm going to find out.
Saturday night came. I was so excited that I locked myself out of my apartment. I realized it before I got into my car so I went back up and tried to slide open the window. I managed to crack the glass and cut an artery on my hand. I had to climb over the broken glass on the windowsill to get inside. Then wrap a handkerchief around my hand to stop the bleeding. No hemorrhage was deterring me from my meeting with destiny.
I got into my car and drove off to
I got to
As I'm going to sit down on his couch he asks, "Did you just get fucked?"
I was shocked by the question.
I said, "No! Of course not! Why do you ask?"
He said, "The blood stain on your pants."
I must've stained myself as I was climbing over the windowsill. But what does that have to do with intercourse?
I freaked. "Oh my God! Can that happen?"
He asks me, "What makes you think that you're gay?"
That question came out of nowhere.
I said, "I don't know if I'm gay but I go with whatever I feel."
So he said, "You sound very young and very confused and I'm not going to be the one to clear up your confusion."
I was crushed. He didn't want me and I'm still confused. I mean I like him a lot. He makes me tingle all over whenever I see him. Nobody had ever done that before. So if I didn't like being with him afterwards, that would have cleared up my confusion, right?
I sat in silence watching Ann-Margret go through her gyrations with her Vegas dancers, the whole time thinking up reasons why he didn't want me.
Driving back I don't know what was more bruised...my hand or my ego. I felt so ugly and unwanted. And so disappointed. Between my being lost in my own thoughts of inadequacy and the throbbing of my hand; plus the fact that my body was slightly askew to allow for my left hand to drive and shift; my car sort of moved a little to the shoulder. Before I could do anything, I saw a door fly over the roof of my car. It was a highway patrolman who had stopped to give somebody a ticket. I took a cop's door! I freaked! I did the only thing a kid from our neighborhood could do. Turned off my lights so he couldn't get a good look at my license plate and sped off the
I'm a loser in love and a fugitive from the law. If any feds come asking you about me, you don't know where I am.