Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Legend in His Own Mind-2

June, 1980

Dear Lázaro,

Well I'm actually here. All my life I've being hearing about this mythical place…and seeing it on countless reruns… and now... I'm actually here! Do you know what a thrill it is to drive down the freeway and see the exit signs saying “Hollywood Boulevard” and “Sunset Boulevard?" I have to pinch myself.

I've stared up at the Hollywood sign on the hill fifteen thousand times and I've only been here a week.

I already went to Grauman's Chinese to see all the footprints. I had to see how mine would look like next to Humphrey Bogart’s or Jimmy Stewart’s. I have decided that mine should be next to Gary Cooper’s. Our feet actually match. And besides they should keep all the two-time Oscar winners together.

Did you know that Betty Grable actually has a leg print? And Jimmy Durante a nose print?

It's such a thrill to actually stand on Hollywood and Vine. Or go to the Griffith Park observatory where they filmed "Rebel without a Cause” and practice walking like James Dean.

I think I’m going to tint my windows.

Yes I bought a car. A beat up, old, canary yellow Volkswagen bug. They're collector's items, you know. Now you know I've never had a car before. What real New Yorker has? And this one's a stick shift! I'm lurching all over the place. Actually the other day I got a great big scare. Let me tell you, buddy boy, some of these streets are pretty steep. I mean straight down like the Cyclone at Coney. Well, I'm parked facing down the mountainside. In order to turn on the engine you have to shift into neutral. But the minute I do that the car starts to roll down this hill. I freaked. Can you imagine rear- ending a car when you haven't even turned on your motor?

Speaking of rear-enders...I hit this lady the

other day driving down La Brea and she looked into her rear

view mirror at me. She asked me with her hand what happened. I looked at her car and gave her an okay sign. She blew me a kiss and drove off.

Talk about laid back California. Can you picture that happening in Brooklyn? She would've gotten out and cursed me in a foreign language. Right after banging the hood of the car and threatening to have her big no-neck boyfriend teach me a lesson.

I found this weekly newspaper called the Drama-Logue that has all of these auditions. So I have my week all mapped out. Problem is I don't know how to get around so well. I always end up on the wrong freeway. They have about fifty thousand of them. All criss-crossing each other like a concrete spider web. It's like the entrance to the George Washington Bridge only three times more. They should paint them all different colors like on a subway map. That'd make it so much easier to get around.

I wish you were here to guide me. You always were better at getting around. Remember how I'd always forget to take the Times Square shuttle and end up on the West Side all the time? Well here the West Side is on the other side of a mountain.

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